Welcome back to MPT! This week we read Vayishlach. In this portion, Jacob is afraid that his brother, Esau, will not forgive him for taking his blessing all those years ago. He sends him gifts in hopes of winning him over and sends angels to feel out the situation. Those angels report that Esau has an army of 400 men in waiting. Jacob prepares for a battle and, while he is resting the night before, a strange man/angel wrestles with him and dislocates his hip. He is given the name “Israel” which means “he who prevails over the divine”. When Jacob and Esau finally meet, Jacob is surprised when Esau embraces and kisses him. Esau shows that he has forgiven Jacob. Despite everything the two went through, Esau’s life turned out great for him. He was satisfied with his life filled with family.
Esau forgiving Jacob was a long time in the making. They were apart for 20 years after Jacob stole Esau’s blessing and Jacob thought for sure that Esau would still be angry with him. Let’s say Esau had just recently decided to forgive Jacob. 20 years is a very long time to be angry with someone! Esau is not in the wrong for being angry for so long. Sometimes forgiveness takes time. When someone hurts you deeply, you may feel like you could never forgive them. We have all been hurt like that. No matter how hurt we are, we could potentially be in a place where we are ready to forgive someone. The important thing to remind yourself, as we’ve learned in this portion, is that there is no timeline that you need to follow. There is not an expiration date on your hurt and there is no deadline for you to tell someone you forgive them. You give forgiveness on your terms, and your terms only.
The time that it could take for you to forgive someone is time that you are using to grow and change as a person. It is time for you to listen to who you are and make the right choices for yourself. If forgiving someone and bringing them back into your life will hinder your work on yourself, then don’t worry about forgiving them. We all feel our emotions in our own way and we all forgive on our own timelines.
A movie that touches upon this theme of “forgiveness taking time” is Brother Bear. We mentioned this movie a few years ago when we talked about dealing with internal struggles. It’s one of my favorite movies, I remember going to see it in theaters, and I love any chance I get to talk about it.
Brother Bear is a movie following Kenai, a member of an Inuit tribe, and his journey into manhood. It’s a coming of age story, with a twist. Here’s a quick rundown of the movie (warning: there will be some slight spoilers ahead). Kenai goes off after a bear seeking revenge because the bear got into his food. His older brothers Sitka and Denahi try to stop him. Kenai seeks revenge once again, this time killing the bear who killed his mother. However, the spirits are upset with Kenai for seeking revenge and senselessly killing the bear, so they turn Kenai into a bear in hopes that he will learn a lesson. Denahi thinks that Kenai has been killed by a bear now too, and goes off on his own journey to avenge the deaths of both of his brothers.
While a big part of the movie is Kenai turning into a bear and the journey he goes on, we won’t be focusing on that today. Kenai learns a lot throughout the movie, and one thing he learns is how to forgive. He is angry with himself for so long. He blames himself for the death of his brother and for other things that happen later in the movie. He learns how to eventually forgive himself for the things he did in the past. Kenai and Denahi also learn how to forgive each other. They didn’t end things on good terms before Kenai went on his journey. They bickered a lot and fought, then Denahi blamed Kenai for Sitka’s death. Time passing in this movie is partially represented through Denahi growing facial hair, so we can literally see that it has been a while when the two finally reunite from the beginning of the movie. After talking things through, they forgive each other and learn how to become a family again.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy. You might not be able to forgive someone right away, and that’s okay. Sometimes you need some time to learn and grow before you’re ready to forgive. Sometimes it takes a huge personal transformation (like physically turning into a bear) to be able to forgive.
In this season of giving we challenge you to try and forgive someone who hurt you. It doesn’t have to be someone who hurt you deeply. Let’s challenge ourselves to make the world a better and more loving place.
Until next week! In the meantime wash your hands, wear a mask, and be kind.
Love,
Marissa & Amanda
